As the lady decided to ride my bumper today because I was not going 40 mph through the school zone, I gave her funny looks in the mirror as I verbally reminded her that we were in a school zone as if he could hear me.

Years ago, I could have been her.  I wanted to be in the fast lane…And I probably was about to loose my mind!   It was all about me!  What I noticed over the last few years was I enjoyed the school zone (as long as I was not in a rare frantic late state). Seriously, mandatory driving in the school zone at 20 mph made me slow down and look around me.  It made me feel different than those moments of panicky or zoned out driving.  It was strangely calm.   It was my introduction to moving meditation.

Years later when I began to meditate, the school zone was my analogy to Thich Nhat Hanh’s walking meditation.  It teaches you to find peace and joy in each step of life.  Where do we need to be in such a hurry?  It teaches you to slow down.

I always say that I love gentle reminders.  Diving through one or two school zones each day are my gentle reminders to be in the moment, notice my surroundings, and chillax! Namaste

As I look back over the years and analyze how I am with my third son at 4 years old versus my first two at that age, I sometimes wish I could have been the mom I am now for the older two at 4 years old. I try not to beat myself up over it.  I remind myself with each kid different milestones were occurring and siblings were being born.  I was a newbie to the mom thing when the first one turned 4.  Nearly a decade of parenting has seasoned me to become more laid back, less helicopter, and possibly less nagging.

I credit the books I have read, lectures I have attended, and shows I have watched.  Some of the nuggets I keep replaying are:  (I can not remember who to credit these to)

1.  Some of the the biggest battles we have with our kids are over 3-5 minutes of time.  They just want to read one more book with you.  Just do it!

2.  Have an 80/20% rule for your kids.  Make them do something 80% of the time and you just do it 20% of the time.

3.  You need to let them stumble in order to succeed.  We should all learn from our mistakes.

So I like the parent I am NOW even though I know bigger battles are to come.  I hope I continue to become seasoned and molded in order to deal with the challenges that will present.  I also hope and pray that the parent I was for each child during each milestone was the parent they needed.  And as much as I wish it were different, I pray it was the way God intended it to be.

After having a lengthy conversation with my office manager today, it made me think of this quote by Ram Dass, the great “be here now” teacher.  How does family know how to push our buttons so well?  The answer is, they raised us!  Those buttons were put there by them! They installed them!  Love the holidays!

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I have always thought that “Out of Order” was a peculiar phrase.  As if something is working it’s in order, but if it’s broken something has become out of place.  It’s misaligned.  Is that true for us too?

There are certainly days that are harder than others.  Some days I feel misaligned.  Some days I feel I want to hang an “out of order” sign around my neck.  Maybe the kids could just fend for themselves.  Maybe dinner would magically appear.  Maybe the invisible box that someone is putting around me will mysteriously vanish!  Fat chance!

Thankfully, over the last few years, I have realized my “out of order” days have improved.  This is thanks to all my spiritual teachers reiterating the same thing…LET GO AND LET GOD!  The more I would push and force things to happen, the more of a struggle my life was.  If I were a train, my tracks did not align.   It would all work short term, but then my body and soul would check out and I was in need of an “out of order” sign.  My anxieties would run high and I would begin the internal dialogues that would not stop.  I would be up all night worrying about something that was NO BIG DEAL!   And then I would be mad at myself for losing sleep for the no big deal. The next day I would be cranky because I lost sleep over the no big deal.   So then it was hard to forgive myself because I was cranky and unforgiving because I really wanted sleep.  All to finalize realize, it was NO BIG DEAL!  I could have stopped the whole derailment if I would have changed my initial thought.  So, now, I try to live in the no big deal world.  I try to follow life where it may lead me knowing God has the highest intentions for me.  I don’t mind being a follower because I certainly don’t want to be the bully for pushing things along.  And the more I will Let God lead me, the less “out of order” signs I will need.

My older son and I soloed it to Sunday evening mass….I forgot it was All Souls Day.  I have been going to mass for 14 or so years.  For some reason, I did not recall the ritual of this service.  Maybe they changed it up since the last time I went.  Anyone who lost a loved one in the last year was given a rose to bring up to the alter.  They were greeted by the priest with a warm hug or a loving pat on the back.  Many loved ones were teary eyed.  It made me think of the loss of my grandmother a little over a year ago. (I really do miss her.  There is so many things I wish I could ask her.)  Then the choir chanted all the love one’s names in a prayer.  I remember when I was converting to Catholicism, it was mentioned in passing how when you sing a prayer, it’s like saying it twice. So, it made me happy knowing that all those recently lost loved ones were getting 2 amazing prayers!  I couldn’t help but really think and almost feel that their souls were dancing around the church.  I felt it was a wonderful way to remember the ones we lost.  What a wonderful way to celebrate their life after their passing.

Robb Bell often talks about how the word spirit and breath are often translated into the same word in many languages. More and more this resonates with me.  As long as we have breath, spirit is in us!  When the congregation’s response from the priest saying “the Lord be with you ” was changed from “and also with you”  to “and with your spirit”, it resonated me.  As I become more “awake”,  I recognize the spirit in all living things.  I know there is controversy around it, but I can even feel the spirit in my dog and the birds around me.  I love me some hawk energy!  🙂

I was reading a story the other day about an amazing thing that some friends did to surprise their friend on her birthday.  It required some divine intervention, but it happened for her.  The story made me so happy for the recipient.  I almost felt the group of friends had done it for me.  I genuinely felt her happiness and cried.  I put down my book and immediately went into a short prayer of gratitude.  All I could think to say was “thank you!”  Moments like this is what I think all the gurus talk about when they address the light in me being the light in you.  Realizing we are all really one in spirit, but separate vessels sure does make life a more joyful place.

After a “Life You Want Weekend” with my friend Claudia, I tried to come up with an idea to keep us both motivated to keep the fires a burning!  They always say when you have a partner in an activity, you will be more successful.  Weight Watchers encourages this, right?  Neither of us needed to lose weight, so I tried to be more creative.  I came up with the daily gratitude text.  Each day we text the other a random thing we were grateful for in our day.  We do not have to respond to the text.  Just read it. We each agreed to the challenge and pinky promised.  Whether it’s soft toilet paper, origami turtles, or leftovers in the frig, we are trying to find the little joys in everyday life and work harder at living the life we want.

One of my patients came in today with her daughter who is on the spectrum for autism.  The girl was so lovely and wanted to keep giving my nurse and I hugs.  She kept telling me I smelled good and asking if I was happy.  She was so looking forward to going to Publix after mom’s appointment to get cookies with sprinkles.  Mom sad she is always happy.  She then told us she was 24 years old.  She did not look older than 16.  It then made me think about how anxiety and negative emotions must make us age.  She is living in a constant state of bliss!  Made me think that I really need to meditate every day, twice a day, so I can age as well as her daughter.  “Shay, Thanks for being my life lesson for the day! ”

Sometimes a hug says it all!

I spent my Saturday morning in a Gratitude Workshop.  For the most part, I feel on track with this practice, but unfortunately, that is what it is….PRACTICE.  Just like anything we do, when when stop doing,  we forget about it.

Today, I want to touch on a few of the pointers I took away from the workshop.

The practice is an attitude and is an active process.  It requires reflection.

It strengthens our spirituality and immune system.

Its obstacles are ego, self-importance, and entitlement.

As a exercise, he had us think about 1 event that occurred in the morning that we were thankful for.  Then he asked us to analyze how our day would have been different if that event had not occurred.  He reiterated that for gratitude practice to be effective, we must be specific.

Thanks for reading my blog!

I grew up in the south with lots of acreage and quietness.  I did not realize how much I loved trees until I moved away to college and then to the big city of Tampa.  When my husband and I started looking for our first house, it was a challenge.  As desires grew, at the top of my list were a kitchen pantry and Oak trees.  The lots were small and the houses were old!  But to me,  a yard was not complete without an Oak tree. I love the shade they provide and the housing they provide to birds. I always love to watch them blow with the wind.   

At our rehearsal dinner 14 years ago, my husband spoke about how much his dad reminded him of an oak tree.  He was grounded and strong and took each storm with grace. Today, that makes me think about how the Oak trees in my yard blow with the wind.  They just go with it.  We can all be more like an oak tree.  Be firmly planted with our roots and take both small and large winds with grace.  Remind ourselves that the wind with not last forever and that this too shall pass; appreciate the wind as well.  If there was no wind, life would be stagnant.  Wind brings great change!