ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!

If you have been in the office recently, you probably know my beloved golden retriever, Chewy, passed at the end of July unexpectedly.  She was the half sister of Leia, whom we had to euthanize 2 1/2 years ago. Leia is the beloved teacher I speak of in my “About Page”.

Leia was buried in our backyard in February of 2103.  Chewy passed during all that torrential rainfall at the last week of July that created so much flooding in south Tampa.  Needless to say, we could not dig a burial site in our yard because the ground was so saturated.  So, we elected to do a private cremation.

Monday was the day for me to go pick her up.  I exited my car to enter the emergency vet and past and sweet four-legged friend.  Luckily, this friend was not a golden, so I could maintain my composure until I was able to converse with the office staff.  I spoke with the receptionist and she handed the bag over to me.  As I turned to leave the counter and head to the car, I could feel the tears beginning to swell in my eyes.  As I got to the car, everything was just blurry because all the tears coming down.  In the car with the bag, I sat and just felt weird.  I felt as if the world had stopped.  Was I breathing? Was there still oxygen to breathe in? I felt as if I could not move.  Nothing seemed to matter at this moment.  All that mattered was my sweet puppy was sitting next to me…in a box! I was a little weirded out that this was her body in this tiny little box.  I felt guilty I could not open it at this time.  But, this was my first experience with ashes; I did not know what to expect.  After I sat and cried for about 20 minutes and listened to Tracy Chapman’s The Promise, I felt like I could finally move again.

I drove home and placed the bag on the formal dining room table until Tuesday night.  I felt I had enough heartache for the evening.  Tuesday evening, I gathered up the courage to open the bag. First there was a grieving book.  I read over that.  Then I read over the medical records to help me try to put closure on the emergency.  As I completed the last page, it concluded with her going into cardiac arrest and “the owner” electing to euthanize prior to onset of agonal respiration.  I layed the papers on the table and subconsciously, I said to myself, “and that’s how it ended.  I felt like I closed a book. It was the last page of that book.  And, I needed to start a new book. She would want this.

I then unwrapped up the mahogany box.  Tucked inside was a Burgundy velvet bag.  As I was not ready to look at the ashes, I mashed on the bag.  I was taken by the density and mass inside that bag.  As I sat there for a few more minutes, I knew I needed to look inside.  I picked up the velvet bag and again was amazed with the weight… I finally was brave enough and I peeked inside….

Such Beauty radiated from it! While there was no extreme colors, beige and sand and gray were all mixed up.  Such subtleness creating beauty.   It reminded me of the recent gem mining trip we took in North Carolina with the boys.  I felt like I was looking at small gems.  And if anyone had ever met Chewy, you would agree that if we put all this back together, she made a marvelous gem!

I miss her terribly, but I look forward to the next book….until we meet again!